Dear Mama,

I have been a camp director for more than 20 years. And in those 20 years, I have written lots of blogs to help first year parents prepare their kids for camp. How to talk about homesickness, how to set them up for success, how to let them help pack…how to get your camper ready. We had a mom reach out recently, asking about signing her son up for a camper-only session next year, after he had gone the last few years just to Father Son. One of the questions she had was if she could visit the first weekend he was there, just to make sure he was ok. We pretty much begged her not to, explaining that sessions are short and that he needed that whole time to settle into camp and make it his own, that visits from parents during a short session often either cause homesickness or make it worse. She wrote back to say that she totally gets it and after further contemplation, realized that the visit was not for him at all, but for her.

So, to all the mamas who held in their tears at drop off and cried on the drive out of camp last summer, I see you. I AM you. Last week, we dropped our oldest off at college for his freshman year. People have been asking me all summer if I am ready. Of course I am not ready. I will never be ready. Because the thing about our kids is that they are lovely human beings who I like as much as I love. I love being with them and am in no hurry to get them out of the house. But HE is ready. He has been ready for months…years, maybe, if I’m honest. He’s an independent kid who loves to be on his own and do it his way and he was made for college. And I followed my own advice, and held in my deep emotions for the days (weeks) leading up to drop off. I stayed positive and focused on his excitement and joy instead of my anxiety and sadness, and let the tears flow freely after we said goodbye. Because this part of the journey is not about me.

I always talk about what a gift it is to your son to let him come to camp. It helps grow his self-esteem and independence, his problem-solving skills and ability to pivot. But I am realizing it is also a gift to you, as a parent. They are practicing living with others who aren’t their family, and solving problems on their own, but YOU are practicing letting them go. His college sent out an email last spring with tips for helping parents adjust to college. One of those tips was to differentiate between letting them go, and letting them grow. It was a statement about adjusting to college, but that applies to camp too.

“Navigating the transition to college can be challenging and emotional – but don’t think of this as letting go! You are an integral part of your student’s success at college and we hope to partner with you on their academic journey. As a family member, it’s important to help your student problem solve while at the same time letting them grow and learn from their mistakes. And don’t forget, we’re here to help along the way.”

Truly, I couldn’t have put it any better myself. It also helped me adjust my mindset. It does feel like letting them go, but in truth, you aren’t letting them go, you’re just letting them grow into who they are supposed to be. It’s the whole point of this parenting thing. It’s a HUGE adjustment for me to not help him figure things out. I send him texts with helpful tips because I can’t help myself, and then I send a text apologizing for not letting him figure it out himself. We both are learning.

Summer camp is great practice for parents and kids alike. Kids can practice living apart from their parents, making their own decisions, making friends, solving conflicts, finding their way, trying new things. Parents practice giving them independence, letting them solve their own problems, letting go of some control, and not knowing every last thing that happens in his daily life.

Because Mama, I am here to tell you that you want all the practice you can get with this “letting go” thing. The transition to college is hard for those of us left at home. We miss him and it’s going to take a while to adjust. It’s weird not knowing how he slept, or what he ate for dinner, or who he’s hanging out with. We only get to know whatever he chooses to share with us, because he’s driving this bus.

And nobody’s writing a blog or posting pictures.

So to all the mamas who dropped their kids off for their first year of college this fall, I see you. We aren’t ready. But they are, and that’s all that matters.